It’s just not fair
Trying to find a place for Barry to live has opened my eyes. First of all, there are a lot of caring people who do this work. Thank God for them!
When I first started looking for a place, I never thought to ask if the place was private pay or if they accepted Medical Assistance and a CADI waiver that provides disability funding for home and community-based services for people who would otherwise require the level of care provided in a nursing facility. I visited some awesome places that had gift shops, clubs, snack bars, massage, yoga and wellness programs. Heck, I wanted to live in some of these places myself.
The right place with a familiar link
But when I saw the cost per day, I nearly fainted. And when I said we are on a CADI waiver, many places would not accept it or had a waiting list years long. One place said it had a 10-year wait. What?? I visited adult foster homes, but the one I really liked felt too small for Barry. The trick is to find a CADI opening at a place that seems right.
Eventually I found one in Edina. Ironically, it is the care center where I worked washing dishes for a few months when I was 15 years old. As we drove there to look at the room for Barry, he remembered it was the same place his father stayed when he was dying of cancer. Barry swore at me and said he would not go in. It was a tense drive, and I was scared.
But when he arrived, he went in and was friendly and open to meeting people. I was near tears and felt so bad that I wanted tell them it was all a big mistake and run out. But I didn’t. Barry will move in soon.
After our visit, we went shopping for some things for his room. I cried all the way to IKEA. I kept thinking about all that Barry has lost this year — starting with his driver’s license to now his total independence. I was crying but Barry never asked why I was crying. Instead he asked if we could get a hotdog after we shopped. I said sure, let’s live it up!
It’s an odd feeling. I am sad about his move, yet at times so relieved that I am almost happy. How odd to feel two different emotions at the same time. I hope the move goes without a hitch.