FIGURING STUFF OUT

I have a routine now that summer is over. I walk each morning with my friend Talla. We solve all the world’s problems in that one hour each day! After the walk, I head to the YMCA to row. The first thing I did when I finally had a little money was to join the YMCA. I met Barry at the “Y” and I like the mix of people. At the “Y” you don’t see a lot of fancy workout wear, just sweats, guys in cargo shorts and maybe a guy or two wearing crocks while walking on the treadmill. I love it there.

I started rowing a couple of years ago because I wanted to build some muscle in my arms and back. Each day, I grab a machine next to an older guy who rows three hours each day. Lots of other older guys stop by to talk sports with him. They cover it all: Vikings, U of M football and basketball, the Wild, Timber Wolves and even the Lynx! But no one talks about figure skating, my favorite sport!

Barry loved all these sports and spent a lot of time watching them on TV. I watched with him, half listening while knitting or doodling. He would also watch figure skating. But I usually found him asleep after just a few skaters performed. I don’t watch sports anymore. When Barry went to the care center, I decided not to watch sports, except figure skating. Do I miss hearing play-by-play in the background? I didn’t think so, but this morning after leaving the YMCA, I wondered why I row each day shooting the breeze with guys about sports? I figured out that maybe I do miss sports background noise. I also think that more than anything, I miss having male stuff going on around me.

We all have interesting ways of coping with life when we lose someone we love. I think if you permit yourself to get out in the world, you will slowly figure out what you need. I need to be around guys talking about sports — at least for now. Will I watch sports again? Hey, for now I don’t need to because I hear all about it each morning. If I could only get the guys to talk about figure skating as well!
bed
Figuring more stuff out

The other night, I was exhausted from a busy day. When I went to bed, I just turned off the light instead of reading. All my adult life, I have read before falling asleep on my left side to catch the light on my bedside table. Then I would remain sleeping on my side of the bed all night, inches from the edge of the bed. My side? That is a concept that doesn’t apply to me anymore. It did when Barry was at home. We each had our side of the bed and it never changed. I wondered why I am still jammed on one side. It had never dawned on me until then that I really don’t need to be on my side of the bed anymore.

So I got up and put myself right in the middle of the bed. It was time — and it was okay.

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11 comments on “FIGURING STUFF OUT
  1. Margaret Correll says:

    Hi Nancy,
    I get on the rowing machine everyday too. My husband is a rower for years with a club in Fayetteville AR(30 min. south of us) he bought a used rowimng machine with a seat high off the floor. Which suits well. I needed to lose a lot of wt.& the rower plus my trainer have helped immensely. I belong to brand new local community center. Saw your picture at Kevin Mangan’s. I know him. He’s a good friend of my good friend, Judy Van Cleve.
    All the best to you in 2016.
    Margaret Correll

  2. Love doesn’t have a His or Her side. Neither does grief.

  3. Linda Frankenstein says:

    My dear father who is now deceased used to love to watch any kind of sports on TV. I never shared his love of sports however. I was always busy doing something creative while the TV droned on in the background. Just recently while channel surfing for a good station to listen to while I do my art, I happened on a basketball game. It instantly gave me deep memories of my sweet dad. That night I left it on as I contently did my art.

  4. Jean Jaeger says:

    I LOVE figure skating too! My hubs rolls his eyes and goes downstairs. I don’t care that he wants to watch the Packers/Vikings because he knows I love to watch skating more than any other sport.he let’s me. I am happy you still watch skating. Big year having the nationals in MPLS! Keep watching! Thanks for your powerful insights. Thought provoking and real.

  5. Ann Hustad says:

    A sweet post nancy.. Sending love and support..wishing you peace in the new year!

  6. Karolyn Lee says:

    I, also, loved figure skating. I still have my skates but have not skated for a few years! I really enjoy reading your blogs. I do watch some spots but usually I am reading a book with the TV on just for noise. My little furball usually determines where I sleep in my bed! How weird is that?

  7. Kathleen Pondelli says:

    Figure skating was a huge part of our family life. My two daughters were figure skaters and their dad adored them !! We lost him to FTD in 2014. When we needed a hospital bed for my husband ,I bought a twin bed. Glad I have it …keeping our big bed would have felt too lonely…
    FYI – The World Figure Skating Championships are being held Boston in March ! My daughter and I will be volunteering…it’s good to keep busy …

  8. Dedra says:

    Nancy, thank you for your heartfelt honesty. May God provide you peace, comfort, and healing throughout 2016. You are such an inspiration to so many.

  9. claudine coughlin says:

    Reading your post and the comments that followed made me think of my situation seven years after Tom has passed. I still am on one side of the bed. I watch most of the “U of M” games and all of the hockey that I get on my TV. That is what Tom and I did also. My 14 year old granddaughter is playing JV High School Hockey and I have followed her for all of the years she has been playing. Friends and family don’t seem to understand why I feel I have to be at each one of her games. Oh well, guess they can keep wondering, because it helps me stay connected and I know how much Tom would have loved seeing her. January 4th it will be seven years since Tom died of a Mersa staff infection in his aorta, related to his weakened condition from Alzheimers Disease. The length of time doesn’t seem to make a difference in my loss. Thanks for letting me ramble. Love you Nancy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I hope you have a wonderful 2016 and enjoy Barry as much as you can!

  10. Christine bekiares says:

    Day by day, we mone forward to new adventures and new challenges. It’s the resilience we gave out children.

  11. Jane Hall says:

    Hi! I am on Fb and sent you a message about a week ago. I went to school with Dave Hovde and I also know your friend Jody from a yoga retreat.

    I am writing a children’s and saw that you are an illustrator. I sent my message to you on Fb private message.

    Anyway, would love to ask you for some tips on getting published and who you would recommend sending my story to.

    Thanks.

    Jane Hall

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