No more whining
It has come to my attention that someone who reads my blog said that I should quit whining. This made me mad. Really, really mad! Right away, I fired back a note to the friend who relayed this comment that I DESERVE TO WHINE! I GET TO WHINE! My life sucks. Whining is all I have!
Let that anonymous person walk in my shoes for a week. He or she would be whining on the first day. I wanted to shout: How would you feel if you got letters every day from the IRS? I spent about a month stewing about this comment before realizing that my anger was not helping and it was keeping me awake at night.
Today on my hike up north, I thought a lot about this. I know that I don’t want to go through the next 30 years being a whiner. As I walked up the Devil’s Kettle Trail near Hovland, falling five times on the ice, I thought: Okay, I may never get out of debt, Barry will never get better and I may never have a retirement fund. So as long as I can hold a pencil, I will be working. It also means my dreams of doing volunteer work in retirement will most likely not happen. I could go on whining, but where does that get me? It just turns me into a crabby old lady.
No free passes in life
Yes, life threw me a tough one, but do many get a free pass in this life? Around the world, people suffer the loss of children in war or through starvation. It’s just not fair. I shouldn’t whine, instead I should pray for peace.
I have whined a lot about what I don’t have rather than looking at what I do have. It is very hard for us with loved ones suffering from frontotemperal dementia (FTD) when we see couples on trips together or celebrating anniversaries. It is hard to realize we may be alone for the rest of our lives. We talk a lot about this at our support group.It is hard to accept, but I have learned to do things on my own. I hiked (and fell) all afternoon. Tonight I will sit by the fire and read a book. And it is actually quite fun. It’s a different fun than I had with Barry, but fun, nevertheless. I’m learning that it’s not so bad being alone. Today I did just what I wanted to do — so no whining today!
I have whined about money and the debt that most likely will haunt me for the rest of my life. I feel bad that I can’t take special trips with my kids. And our cabin was sold a long time ago. But as a family, we have gone up north twice in the fall, and it was perfect. Instead of fancy trips, we can have picnics and day trips around Minnesota. It’s not how I thought it would be, but we have fun and we’re all together. Isn’t that the most important part?
I also whine about how I wish could add to a college fund for my grandkids. I can’t, and even if I did, the IRS would be quickly on the scene. Instead, I can give them my time and knowledge. We love to swim, hike and, of course, draw together. Why would I whine when Charlotte says I want to go swimming with Grandma!
I have whined about the debt my kids have because of student loans Barry took out. This debt has changed a lot of their plans and dreams in adulthood. Certainly there are millions of other people with student loans, but it still makes me sad. My kids have grown stronger through all of this. They have learned to forgive and love their dad no matter what. They have been awesome and beautiful through this turn in our lives. I am so proud of them, so why would I whine?
As I move forward, I can’t promise I won’t whine once in a while or feel envious or sad. I know it feels a lot better to look at all the wonderful things I do have in life — and whining is really tiresome. As I gingerly made my way back down to the car after my hike, I thought at least I didn’t break any bones, so that’s a good thing, too!